Issue Identified
So I think I'm figuring out why I'm so down, not dealing with everything well, and unable to write.
It's the "newness" of what's going on right now.
I'll try to explain. Patrick has always had x, y, and z problems. It doesn't matter what they are. But it's always been our reality. Sometimes x gets a bit better, or z gets a bit worse, or y might even take a permenant vacation.
So, when suddenly out of thin air, v and w show up......blindsided!!! New behaviours that didn't exist before. Things bothering him that should be fine. The fact that the new stuff happens to be on the more "difficult" end of things doesn't help.
Add to the top of the pile that Patrick wrapped his neck up with strings and I thought he was going to hang himself. He didn't, and wasn't even a bit hurt, but when I walked into the room to find him sitting there smiling....
Self injury is new (and I think we've nipped it in the bud but it was still very scary). Tantrums that aren't tantrums where he looses control and tries his very best to hit and kick me. He's never been aggressive or violent at all. We're talking our way through this one but I can't tell if we're really making progess or not.
Anyway, the whole point of this post was to help me figure out why I'm so scared. Also, a big thank you to everyone who's been so understanding and supportive. It's nice to have such wonderful friends sharing this journey with us.
It's the "newness" of what's going on right now.
I'll try to explain. Patrick has always had x, y, and z problems. It doesn't matter what they are. But it's always been our reality. Sometimes x gets a bit better, or z gets a bit worse, or y might even take a permenant vacation.
So, when suddenly out of thin air, v and w show up......blindsided!!! New behaviours that didn't exist before. Things bothering him that should be fine. The fact that the new stuff happens to be on the more "difficult" end of things doesn't help.
Add to the top of the pile that Patrick wrapped his neck up with strings and I thought he was going to hang himself. He didn't, and wasn't even a bit hurt, but when I walked into the room to find him sitting there smiling....
Self injury is new (and I think we've nipped it in the bud but it was still very scary). Tantrums that aren't tantrums where he looses control and tries his very best to hit and kick me. He's never been aggressive or violent at all. We're talking our way through this one but I can't tell if we're really making progess or not.
Anyway, the whole point of this post was to help me figure out why I'm so scared. Also, a big thank you to everyone who's been so understanding and supportive. It's nice to have such wonderful friends sharing this journey with us.
posted by mumkeepingsane | 6:08 AM
6 Comments:
As one who still fights self injuring and aggressive behaviour.. you will have to deal with it forever. And.. that also came via the Child Psych we saw a couple of mths ago. The school, refuses to deal with it... but that's... a long story over the last month.
You MUST attack it as NEGATIVE behaviour. It's isn't cute, it isn't autism... it is BAD behaviour.
Time out, tokens and take away. And stick to it, he must know the rules, and the "punishment" must ALWAYS be constant. And it must be done instantly following the incident. Dealing with school issues after school is impossible and refuse to help the school with these issues. Offer to discuss it, set up a plan.. but in the end it's their problem.
It won't get better, and still at it with an 8.5yr old ... just when you think it eases... I have started resetting the timer again. Did I mention the school has a behaviour/discipline problem and it's not just mine. At the moment mines only socially stupid (mouthy, repeats the crap off the playground due to a lack of supervision (blame McGuinty for that one) and got bullied), but one day... that could change.
I'm sooooooo tired of this. But it's VERY normal in those that are higher functioning and verbal. All you can do is teach, teach, teach and hope one day.... just remember... teenage years are coming and you have to get the upper hand NOW.
S.
Thanks for the comment. We're definately taking it seriously. So far none of this stuff is happening at school. I know that it might eventually, but for now it seems to be 'home only'.
"Isn't happening at school".... Yet.
And that's the part I can't make the school understand - YET!!!! As they get older, as they understand they are "different" or having social problems... who's to say it won't. And I don't mean malicious, cruel bullying.
I mean socially stupid stuff as I call it. That, can and will get them suspended and put into a behavioural class under the Safe School stuff... And that's what's happening with mine - not the suspensions (b/c they know there will be fall-out from that) etc... the social stupid stuff. Now, all of a sudden I got an email last week and I blasted them. Their fault, their problem, their refusal to call Behavioural and the Counsellor and put in a social and behavioural program. And getting a S&B program outside of school is nearly impossible... they just come and tell you what you're doing wrong. B/c I asked. There is one private S&B program but it's too far away from us afterschool only.
All you can do, is set a full plan in place at home. We were, where you are, at that pt in time. Even a month ago "but he's cute, he's not mean"...
Their problem.. document, document, document... and start asking now for a S&B program... likely you won't get it... but one day you may wish you had that request documented.
Sheri
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this increase or shift in behaviors. It is unsettling to say the least when our child all of a sudden begins doing "v and w" as you said so aptly.
We are going through something with Nik that has caught us off guard, too. I'm trying to find what it is he's trying to communicate to us and work throuhg that before we go to any extreme measures and interventions.
That said, I think S's advice to document and make requests for a program through school make total sense. As I'm sure you know, children will often try out something new in either oneplace or the other before they begin to generalize the knowledge or behavior. Is there an outside professional who could hel pyou in establishing the need for a S&B program at school?
Sending warm thoughts your way...
I am so sorry you are struggling so and especially your little one. Hugs and prayers being sent.
M had struggled with self abuse and aggression. Medications helped stop it mostly. An antipsychotic. Without it the aggression comes back.
I disagree with the earlier comments here. Medication can make a world of difference. I believe that many of the behaviors M was having was a way of communicating when there were things she did not know how to communicate. We tried many discipline techniques first and it was a never ending up hill battle and made it all worse. Once medication was introduced M was able to control herself and learn and make good choices.
Not everyone agrees here. Thats fine. This is our story and what we did. Follow your gut as a mother. If I had it to do over again I would have tried medication way sooner than we did.
Marla, we used Risperdal for 2.5yrs. Then we discovered 2 things... 1 - they should be pulled for a minimum of 2 weeks, preferably 4 atleast every 12mths to make certain they are fixing what is wrong.
2 - they were creating the problems that we were having - bedwetting, anxiety, hyperactivity.
They were very necessary at the time and I would do the same again tomorrow. But now he's not on any since he no longer requires them.
Post a Comment
<< Home