Quick Update on Weekend and etc.
Older brother had a fantastic time camping. He came home very tired and with lots of stories to tell.
Patrick and I had a fabulous weekend. We went swimming, played games, watched tv, etc. It was nice. I got to see a different side of him. Enjoyed listening to everything he said and watching him play by himself.
It's gonna be a great week too. Hubby gets home Tuesday and he's home for the rest of the month. Can we say "vacation for mummy"? After we pick him up at the airport we're all heading out for supper at a restaurant (one that offers chicken strips and french fries...it's the only acceptable restaurant food). Boys are excited.
Patrick is slowly learning to deal with his anger. He's still taking swings at me when he is upset, but he seems to be aiming them not to hit...as if the action itself is theraputic. We're still working on it. He has his list, in his head, of alternatives to hitting when he's mad. So when I see him gearing up I say "what can you do Patrick, when you're mad you can...." and it seems to snap him out of it a bit. He'll name an activity and head off to do it. No wiggle room if he tries to hit big brother though. Straight to his room till he calms down. So far it's still mostly me. We're keeping communication open with the school in case he starts it with friends/teachers.
It's hard, thinking there's something about ME that makes him react that way. Still trying to figure that part out. I'm hoping with hubby home for such a long period of time we can do some watching and recording to see what's going on. Perhaps a pattern will emerge?
Patrick and I had a fabulous weekend. We went swimming, played games, watched tv, etc. It was nice. I got to see a different side of him. Enjoyed listening to everything he said and watching him play by himself.
It's gonna be a great week too. Hubby gets home Tuesday and he's home for the rest of the month. Can we say "vacation for mummy"? After we pick him up at the airport we're all heading out for supper at a restaurant (one that offers chicken strips and french fries...it's the only acceptable restaurant food). Boys are excited.
Patrick is slowly learning to deal with his anger. He's still taking swings at me when he is upset, but he seems to be aiming them not to hit...as if the action itself is theraputic. We're still working on it. He has his list, in his head, of alternatives to hitting when he's mad. So when I see him gearing up I say "what can you do Patrick, when you're mad you can...." and it seems to snap him out of it a bit. He'll name an activity and head off to do it. No wiggle room if he tries to hit big brother though. Straight to his room till he calms down. So far it's still mostly me. We're keeping communication open with the school in case he starts it with friends/teachers.
It's hard, thinking there's something about ME that makes him react that way. Still trying to figure that part out. I'm hoping with hubby home for such a long period of time we can do some watching and recording to see what's going on. Perhaps a pattern will emerge?
posted by mumkeepingsane | 6:28 AM
6 Comments:
OK, that's it... we're going to talk... or I'm going to talk and you're going to listen.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!! NEVER!!! IT IS NOTHING YOU DID. The child MUST take responsibility for his own actions. And don't give me the "but he doesn't know why" speech either.
NO MEANS NO.
Eldest doesn't swing at me anymore. Atleast not close enough I can stop him, b/c I grab that arm before it hits me and make him stop. Then I take away every priveledge going. FOR HOURS. He's learned... It took 6 SIX attempts for him to walk up the stairs on Fri before I'd help him pack for Scout camp this past weekend. SIX. I stood at the kitchen counter and enjoyed my pop, but I refused to go upstairs and help until the slamming and name calling stopped. And each time he had to come to me, walk across the house, up the stairs AGAIN.... 6.. Times. Wasn't putting up with that crap in 90degree heat.
Little boy tried to bite me a couple of weeks ago. He'd grabbed me - which I DO NOT ALLOW - and I went to remove his arms and he moved in to bite. Instead I put both hands flat on his head and backed him up until he looked me in the eyes and said "NO!!!" and moved.
I WILL NOT BE ABUSED BY THEM - EVER.
Little boy NEVER bites, so this was the final flag that he's gone into sensory processing overload. And yes, we're dealing with it, us and the school with a sensory diet and brushing protocol. It's working and he's much happier again.
AUTISM may have been the reason for the attempted biting... but it wasn't an EXCUSE to allow it.
Stop thinking it's your fault... keep making him take responsibility for it. He's learn, may take a long time.. but he'll learn. Or, you'll just learn to ignore the "you made me do it" comment from the kid.
Sheri
I don't think it is anything your child is doing when he takes a swing at you. M has and does this sometimes as well. It is usually when she is beyond words and into a melt down mode. Too much to process and too much stimulation going on. Sometimes asking M if she needs a hug puts a stop to it and she just crumbles to tears.
I am glad you continue working on it. With time M has gotten a lot better. Medications and increased ability to communicate has helped.
I am so glad your weekend was a wonderful one. That is terrific news.
I definately don't think it's my fault. But I do believe that there is something I'm doing or saying that is making this worse. And if we could figure that out I think it would make all of this easier.
Of course he's responsible for his behaviour, and it's dealt with severely at the time. I guess the phrase "we're still working on it" doesn't exactly explain much, does it? I agree with what you're saying though.
Thanks Marla, he's starting to be able to tell me why he's mad, and I think that introspection is definately helping him to stop himself in his tracks when the overload starts. It's a step in the right direction anyway.
I definitely sympathize with you on this one! For a long time, my oldest (NT) son was an angel at school, and aggressive at home. It was really hard to take. I thought we were doing something wrong, but I really think he only felt safe enough with us to act out.
Now that he's older and speaks better (he had speech problems), he is SO much better at home, and actually occasionally misbehaves at Pre-K.
You sound as if you are doing well with it. My twins with autism only occasionally get aggressive, but I wonder about the future.
I have asked myself the same thing. I think it is that my son feels very close to me and knows that I UNDERSTAND when he gets frustrated.
It is something about you - You are his Mom! You are the one who directs him the most in his life, so you're also the one he is prompted in life experiences the most to resist. That in his moments of greatest frustration he isn't afraid to resist you shows he feels safe with you! That's a winning combination. :)
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