It's All Okay

Just a mom blogging about life with an autistic child.

Location: Canada

I'm a stay at home mom with two boys. Patrick is my youngest and has ASD.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Ups and Downs

There aren't a lot of downs in my life. I'm normally a pretty positive person. I'm in a happy marriage with healthy children. Even when parenting Patrick was at its worst I was still happy in a general sense.

In spite of that, or perhaps because of it, when I get down I get really really down. My husband lets me vent and I'm happy that now I can also come here and vent as well.

My latest vent has been about family support. My parents are fantastic but that's pretty much it. I read about others who have siblings who take their kids for the weekend or even for an afternoon(and yes, autistic children as well). I hear about all this support and I get angry. Because nobody in my family or my husband's family (my parents aside as mentioned above) really seem to want to be bothered. The havn't gotten informed about autism. Even in the darkest times they never really helped out. It's almost like they choose not to see how hard it was/is/can be for us. At family events (most of which I host in order to keep family closer) they kind of watch us with amused looks on their faces. Like we're just wierd parents or something instead of dealing with an honestly difficult situation.

The funny thing is, what started all this thinking/venting was a close friend who just offered to come out and watch the kids overnight so hubby and I could go out for my birthday. The first thing I thought of was all the family members who have never been alone with my children even for 5 minutes. She's a close friend so I wasn't exactly surprised but it did start me thinking....blood thicker than friendship? In my case, not so much.

I know, I know, they don't really know what our lives are like. They are busy with their families and lives and such. If I want help I should ask (how exactly do you presume to ask someone to watch an autistic child anyway??). Why be annoyed when it's too late anyway? (when I say that, I mean they can't go back in time and be there for me in my darkest hours since things are so much better now that the boys are older).

So, the answer? Work on my resentment and forget it. Underneath this vent I really am still my happy self.

Ok, my rambling is spiraling now. The funny thing is, this is all in my head. It's like I'm having conversations with myself and yelling at people who aren't there and can't hear me and I wouldn't really want them to anyway.

Thanks for listening.


Anonymous Maddy said...

Even when we're with my family [visit] no-one has ever offered to baby sit, whereas my close pal [2 kids and one is autistic] has baby sat all of mine during the day [THE DAY!]
We draw our own conclusions.
Best wishes

Fri Nov 23, 04:29:00 PM 2007  
Blogger Casdok said...

Any time!
And i know just how you feel! My sisters huband wont let his children even visit me!
And the rest of the family just asume i cope and let me get on with it, and i dont always cope.
So its good to rant!

Sat Nov 24, 02:35:00 AM 2007  
Blogger Marla Fauchier Baltes said...

I understand this and always tell myself it is their loss because they are missing out on getting to know a truly wonderful kid.

Sat Nov 24, 07:07:00 AM 2007  
Blogger Niksmom said...

Oh I can sooo relate to this post. My parents help when and how they can but it isn't always in a way that gives us an actual break from Nik. My one sister who lives locally is so busy with being a single mom to teenage girls. She invites us over a lot but never offers to help chase Nik around or corral him to keep him out of trouble or the like. Her youngest daughter (16) is the only one who has offered to babysit from time to time. My in-laws who only live 3 hours away have only seen their grandson 3 times in the last 2 1/2 years. Last time was 18 months ago! Yet she (MIL) continues to call and mail about things to "cure" Nik. ARGH.....

Mon Nov 26, 10:09:00 AM 2007  

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