It's All Okay

Just a mom blogging about life with an autistic child.

Location: Canada

I'm a stay at home mom with two boys. Patrick is my youngest and has ASD.

Monday, September 08, 2008

The first incident

Might as well come out with it. It's driving me crazy. Patrick was in a fight at school today. *sigh*

I'm still getting the details, but it sounds to me like Patrick threw the first punch. There may have been a comment from the other child along the lines of "hey do you want to fight me?"

Patrick grinned and told me "I said yes". *double sigh*

How many times can you say to a kid "it's never ok to hit"?

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Going to the orchard for doughnuts

Ok, I couldn't leave that whiney, self-pitying post up at the top of my page. So, why do you go to the apple orchard?? To get doughnuts, of course.

I'm only kind of kidding. We head to the Orchard every year with some friends. We play in the hay, ride the tractor/wagon, pick tons of apples, and have a great day! One year, the boys realized they sold home-made doughnuts. Oh boy! I admit as much as we love apples, doughnuts have become a big part of this tradition.

Pics to come!

Saturday, September 06, 2008

When family members treat special needs children unfairly

Life's not fair. I've known that since I was a small child. But some things just stink.

Let's say an adult family member has been taking older brother for an activity since he was about the age of 4. Even if you adjust the age (if you're one who does that), doesn't that mean that by the time Patrick is 6 he should be taken to attend such an activity? How do you approach said family member about something like this. They've paid lip service to the need to treat Patrick equally but have not come through in any meaningful way.

I think I might be complicit in this and the guilt is killing me. First, before any diagnosis, I nursed Patrick much longer than his brother. Which of course meant others couldn't care for him for long periods of time. As he grew older and his 'difficulties' became obvious, I tried not to ask for help because I didn't want to burden anyone. I would even not allow him to attend some things, mostly due to safety concerns. Over the years, things have evened out in a lot of ways...except for this one activity (which would not be the same if done with me, this is a fun, with this family member, exciting cause mom's not there type of activity).

Patrick is smart enough to know he's being left behind. Smart enough to know that it's his turn. All summer I've been not offering to send older brother, making a statement that we were simply waiting to hear when it was Patrick's turn. We never heard. I was not bold enough to suggest they take him. I want them to want him.

Now it's the end of the summer and older brother has recieved an invitation. What to do?

See, it's not Patrick who drives me to tears. It's the attitudes and actions of others, sadly even others in our family.

Friday, September 05, 2008


Older brother came home with an interesting story. Apparently a friend of his was in the bathroom and saw Patrick there. Patrick is, I think, fascinated by urinals. Which would be fine except he pulls his pants and underwear right down to his ankles. Um, not ok in a public bathroom. I'm talking with him about using a stall, making sure he doesn't pull his pants down until he gets in and pulls them back up before he opens the door. Hmmm, this should make an interesting note to the teacher on monday!

End of week one and only positive things reported from the school. Also, Patrick is reporting that school is 'lots of fun'. I had an impromptu meeting with the spec ed teacher and she says he's doing wonderfully. The autism team will be coming in to make sure the classroom is meeting his needs. The litmus test, for me, will be when I meet face to face with his teacher. I'll be able to tell, I think, if she "gets it". That will be what I neeed to relax.

I've been doing some thinking about the future. Wondering what high school will look like (when surely he won't want his mom butting in all the time). Thinking about how we would support him if he does end up living independantly, where he might go if he can't quite be independant, if he lives with us till we die then where would he go.....ya know, really light stuff that doesn't effect your sleep quotient at all. *laugh*

I'll leave you with this...Patrick and teacher in class as reported by the EA.

"Ok, so now we'll be having our snack, gym, then we'll be going home."
"But, when do we get to play?" in a quiet, sad, little voice.

Poor kid. We aren't in kindergarten anymore Toto!

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

On the first day of first grade...

Mommy had a major meltdown.

Familiar Bus driver...check.
Designated bus seating...check.
Lunch packed, previewed, and discussed...check.
Backpack bursting with school supplies and indoor sneakers...check.
A million talks about what to expect...check.
EA to meet him at the bus and take him through the day...check.

I was so nervous I didn't even take pictures. He hopped on the bus like he's been going to grade 1 his whole life; blowing kisses through the window as the big yellow machine took my baby off to independance. *sigh*

I cleaned windows today.