It's All Okay

Just a mom blogging about life with an autistic child.

Location: Canada

I'm a stay at home mom with two boys. Patrick is my youngest and has ASD.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Summer Times

Playdate set for Wednesday afternoon. I'm going to try and be calm about it.

I feel like things have been busy but there hasn't been much to blog about. We're just hanging around, playing outside, perhaps a tad too much tv time, swimming at the neighbour's pool, and basically having a hazy, lazy, summer.

We're taking a trip to my in-laws next weekend. It's not as bad as it sounds.

Well, hearing "moooooooooommmmmm" coming from older brother upstairs. Better skiddadle.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Assorted Ramblings

So we havn't had our play date yet. Swim lessons are going fabulously. Ahh, it feels wonderful to sit with the other parents and watch from the sidelines (which is because he has private lessons and therefore is essentially 1 on 1 even when the classes join together for games).

Marital harmony is such an interesting phenomenon. Almost ten years with hardly a disagreement and last week I'm such a bi&$# that I pull us into a big fight. I was stressed, disappointed about something to do with my parents, am having hormonal issues, etc. I should not have yelled and screamed but I did. I shouldn't have been that way but, as I reminded my husband, that doesn't mean I'm wrong, it just means I approached it in the wrong way. Anyhoo...marital bliss restored and no harm done.

I'm waiting for the Harry Potter book. A friend is buying it as a gift for my hubby and he won't get it till Saturday. We're also going to see the movie Saturday as well. Have I ever mentioned I'm not an overly patient person?

Friday, July 20, 2007


As I'm sure I've mentioned before, we do a lot more 'out and about' stuff now than we used to. We go to museums, restaurants, bike rides, etc. But invitations are still the hardest for me to accept.

Myself and both boys were invited by a wonderful mom to come visit and play with her two children. They are almost the same ages as my boys. It's a wonderful idea. She knows Patrick is autistic and has been around him for short periods of time...most recently while at swim lessons (her sons have lessons around the same time).

Older brother is friends with her older son. They were in the same class at school this year. They'll get along fine. Patrick is a bit older than her younger son. That could be a problem. Patrick doesn't really know how to deal with a younger child.

I have a lot of feelings about doing this. It would be great to try. But I'm very afraid it just won't work. For one thing, she thinks we'll be able to have tea while the kids all play in the playroom. Well, that might work for a while but it certainly won't last for long. She's a nice lady, I'm sure I can convince her we need to at least be in the same room. I will be on edge the whole visit, I know it. And I'm not normally a negative nelly. But seriously, a new environment, children he doesn't know well, a place where he doesn't know his boundaries, and tons of new toys...none of which actually belong to him.

Anyway, we're going to go next week one afternoon after swim lessons.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


I love watching my children when they sleep. Their soft breathing. Their little bodies lying limply in their beds. A small bead of sweat on thier upper lips. They often smile in their sleep and I enjoy sitting there wondering what they're dreaming.

Sometimes I speak to them. Or if I've been singing to them as they fall off to sleep I continue singing to myself softly. I'm not brave enough to kiss them or do much more than touch their hair for fear they'll wake up. After all the years we spent when Patrick didn't sleep through the night, waking with night terrors, wouldn't fall asleep till midnight.....

Older brother looks so long in his bed. How can he be 7? How can he be so tall? His hands are the hands of a child, no longer those of an infant.

Patrick still has those chubby hands. But why does his face look so grown up? His baby belly is now flat.

My boys are growing up (as they should be of course). How I will miss it when I'm not longer even welcome into the sanctuary of their rooms.

Perhaps I could still sneak a peak?

Monday, July 16, 2007

Too early to be stressed

We've JUST started weaning Patrick of his epilepsy meds and so his blood levels are probably the same as they were last week but I am freaking a bit cause swim lessons start today and go for two weeks. The neurologist said he could still take his lessons, they're private and I'll be watching him like a hawk as well, and he probably wouldn't start having seizures for quite some time yet (it takes 12 weeks to wean).

Ok, it felt better to write it down. That all said, he loves swim lessons and will have a blast!

Friday, July 13, 2007

8 Random Things Meme

I was tagged by for a meme listing 8 random things about me. (sorry, I suck with links but thanks for the tag abfh, this is fun)

The rules:
1. Let others know who tagged you.
2. Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
3. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
4. Players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

1. I'm really a very shy person. Or maybe shy isn't the right word since once I know how to relate to you I can be loud and outgoing. I think I'm just a bit socially awkward. I have to compose what I'm going to say in my head before I say it out loud. I have to force myself to make a phone call, both social and business. I was so upset when my first son was also shy, although he seems to have outgrown it which is awesome.

2. I'm not much of an activist. I was before I had kids and I hope to be again some day. My main 'causes' are midwifery consumer issues, environmental issues, and autism education and supports. The last one has been ever changing. I seem to have gravitated away from preschool type programs and am really interested in what's available (or not available) for my son and his peers when they become adults. I want to see all autistics be supported in living life in ways they feel are helpful and necessary.

3. I read a lot. Every day. Books, signs, blogs, the back of cereal name it I read it. I can read the same book over and over again if there's nothing else to read. They think I'm crazy at the library. I prefer reading things that expand the mind but honestly I can be just as happy reading a sappy romance novel or a how-to manual. I've been reading since about age 5 and my whole childhood had a book in my hands.

4. My husband and I have become very close because of adversity in our life together. He is a constand source of strength to me as I hope I am to him. He was the only person with me when I miscarried our first pregnancy at 12 weeks. He dragged my body from one place to another in our apartment on my request. He held my hand, cried with me, and cleaned up afterwards. We've been lost together (and yep, I was reading the map so it was my fault). Suffered financial hardship. Most of all, he DID NOT freak out when Patrick got his autism diagnosis. His exact words after we got the news from the psychologists were "Well, that's good, now we can figure out what to do and get the supports he needs." I have never needed to hear words in my life more than I needed to hear those ones that particular day.

5. I've always considered myself lucky. Born in a great country (Canada), good parents, good home growing up, nice husband, healthy children....sometimes I can be the eternal optimist.

6. I used to hate pink and now I love it (but I still don't like frills or anything froofy).

7. I liked breastfeeding.

8. I always get too serious about things. This meme is a good example. I could have just told you my favorite color and what I like to eat but I felt the need to go on and on about personal stuff. Then I realized what I was doing and, as usual, overcompensated in numbers 6 and 7. I also take myself too seriously. I am constantly trying to be able to laugh at myself.

I really don't know who to tag. I think almost everyone has done this one already. So, if you read this and you'd like to do it, consider yourself tagged.


I think our lives are much easier lately because of support. Support from my family, support from people in real life, support from the school staff, support comes in lots of forms and is so important to the sanity of an autism family.

I had a lot of trouble building up support. Life was so difficult with Patrick at ages 2 and 3 (I mean crying into my pillow and feeling like a terrible mom and struggling so much to keep him safe and keep us sane...) that I was just so tired I didn't reach out. Not to mention that nobody in my real life situation understood our family at all. I couldn't identify with their lives either. I was such a recluse back then because it was so much easier on all of us if we didn't go anywhere. I'm glad I got past that point though because we all love doing things as a family now and in hindsight it wasn't fair to any of us...especially Patrick who deserves to see the world.

I'm also very shy. I'm a bit awkward with my words. I have trouble initiating contact. If I don't know what to say I often say nothing. These aspects of me make it difficult to bring supportive people in around me.

In real life it ended up I was forced to meet people and talk to them. The school needs information, the EA needed to talk about things every week, and some of the parents were so supportive (one who I knew from preschool had me to her house for tea the first day Patrick was in kindergarten cause she knew I was freaking out).

Online I've been lucky to meet some fabulous people who for whatever reason have chosen to reach out in friendship to me. I love commenting on blogs and swapping emails. It's great to talk to people who, while might be in different size shoes, have such understanding of someone walking a similar path.

I don't know if any of this makes sense. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who is part of keeping me grounded and afloat (sorry for the mixed metaphor, I felt it appropriate).

Thursday, July 12, 2007


Yep, you read that right. Except this isn't a post about breastfeeding or sippy cups.

We're weaning Patrick off his seizure meds this summer. Yay (and OMG my nerves).

His EEg wasn't completely normal, but there was no seizure activity. I think the two spikes she mentioned could have been when he spoke or when I had to hold his arms because he wanted out of there.

I hope my nerves can handle this. If he has a seizure we put him right back on the meds.

His only restriction is on swimming. He can still take his lessons next week but we're to have my eyes on him at all times. I guess the biggest seizure danger is drowning. Oh, and supervision in the bathtub....well we still do that with him because of the whole impulse thing. I think she kind of gave me a lecture. Well she said "at this age they can be left alone for a short period of time". I just said "well, not him yet" and we left. But I know she's right. Oh well, constant supervision this summer anyway.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Hi everybody!

Well I've been online a bit and thought I'd come update here. Except there's not much to say. Things are good. Swimming starts next week with Patrick taking private this year. Yay, that means I don't have to go in the pool with his class like last year.

We've been to a museum, a movie (Ratatouille), hubby and I had a date (we saw the new Die Hard movie), and we've been doing a lot of hanging out at the park and neighbour's pool.

Patrick's doing really well with the unstructured time. I'm surprised and pleased. He's so much better at 'going with the flow' this year.

We have a neurologist appointment today to find out if he can do a trial off the epilepsy meds or not this summer. I'm anxious.