Triggers

We all have them. For those on the autism spectrum, however, it seems to be a more intense kind of experience.

I've identified one and, honestly, today, I feel like a genius.

Ok, so maybe it was just that I couldn't see it. These meltdown thingies, the new ones where he seems to be angry and just can't control it, they get worse when I touch him. Here I was thinking I was offering comfort, when really I was escalating the whole thing. Now remember, this child is not normally affected by touch. Actually, he seeks it, bangs into things and people just to get that feeling. So in his every day life he's a "touch seeker".

But, nobody said this had to be logical to me (I bet it makes sense to him). Now that I've figured this out, we're making some progress. We've also decided that when this happens he's to go to his room. I still have to take him there, and sometimes put him back there, but I think it's helping. It's not a time out per se (I've never seen those work anyway) but a place for him to espress his anger without hurting me or his sibling. I also think the small, dim, quiet space helps him to calm himself down.

So if only I could figure out why this 'over' reaction happens sometimes and not others...

Issue Identified

So I think I'm figuring out why I'm so down, not dealing with everything well, and unable to write.

It's the "newness" of what's going on right now.

I'll try to explain. Patrick has always had x, y, and z problems. It doesn't matter what they are. But it's always been our reality. Sometimes x gets a bit better, or z gets a bit worse, or y might even take a permenant vacation.

So, when suddenly out of thin air, v and w show up......blindsided!!! New behaviours that didn't exist before. Things bothering him that should be fine. The fact that the new stuff happens to be on the more "difficult" end of things doesn't help.

Add to the top of the pile that Patrick wrapped his neck up with strings and I thought he was going to hang himself. He didn't, and wasn't even a bit hurt, but when I walked into the room to find him sitting there smiling....

Self injury is new (and I think we've nipped it in the bud but it was still very scary). Tantrums that aren't tantrums where he looses control and tries his very best to hit and kick me. He's never been aggressive or violent at all. We're talking our way through this one but I can't tell if we're really making progess or not.

Anyway, the whole point of this post was to help me figure out why I'm so scared. Also, a big thank you to everyone who's been so understanding and supportive. It's nice to have such wonderful friends sharing this journey with us.

Not sure what to say

So, I've been missing. Obviously.

I'm still not ready to write about everything. Some "behaviour" issues, a big scare involving possible injury, and feeling like I always have to be in two places at once.

I've been keeping up on blogs, am enjoying reading, although probably not commenting enough.

I'm starting to feel better, on the whole. I'll try and write again tomorrow and see if I can get a trend of posts going.

That Sucks!

I know I sound like a teenager. And this post isn't really about autism (well, maybe a bit).

I'm trying to find someone/some people to watch my kids tonight. I've been trying for a week. First my respite worker cancelled the whole week (thus Patrick went to Beavers alone as reported in previous post). I called my mom....a short but sweet "no". And my next predicament is this.

I often split them up on purpose when asking for help. Wouldn't want to overload one poor individual with BOTH of them very often. I believe this would decrease the offers of assistance. I have one more phone call to make and I'm not hopeful.

So this is a vent, this is my whinging and complaining about the fact that I missed my parent's council meeting Thursday and I'll be keeping my bottom firmly planted at home tonight.

Missing hubby!

Around here, we often measure success in little baby steps. Sometimes that makes it more frustrating. And sometimes a particular success is sweeter because of this scale of measurement.

Our respite/special needs worker had to cancel this week. This did leave me hanging a bit (I won't be able to attend a parent's council meeting tonight) but it also provided us with an interesting opportuntity.

Last night, I took Patrick to Beavers planning full well to stay and take the place of his worker. Instead, with a sudden flash of insight, I walked up to a leader, said V isn't here today but I'm sure you'll be fine, had a bit of laugh about how some of the other boys are worse behaved than my son, and left!!! My heart was pounding. I was so proud that in that conversation I wasn't at all appologetic. I pay for him to go to Beavers. They have 4-5 leaders. Surely this would be fine, right? Right?

You bet your bottom dollar it was all right. I asked the leader afterwards how it went. He has ALWAYS been supportive and has actually suggested before in the past that I might want to leave him for a certain activity. He said, and I quote, "He didn't need any more attention than any of the other boys. He was just fine." (Notice that he didn't say he wasn't 'acting autistic' or that he was 'normal' or anything like that.)

It was so hard to leave him but I'm so glad I gave us both this opportunity to experience success. This won't be a weekly thing just yet but how proud am I that occasionally, if we really needed to, we could allow him this little bit of independance.