Lucky me!

Hubby and I are getting away AGAIN! When I look back on this year I'm amazed at how many times we've gone out for dinner. This weekend we're going out overnight cause my friend is coming over to watch the kids. I sprang for a fancy hotel room and a package that allows you to stay till noon.

It's really been a banner year for us. I feel like making our relationship a priority has helped me to be a better parent. It's like, the more I go away the more patience I have when I get back. I know this is not news really. People have been telling me for years that we have to do stuff without the kids.

Ok, since this was about me and not Patrick...here's a pic.

Whole lotta nothing

I'm starting at my blank computer screen and...nothing. No inspiration. I'm really tired. Got mad at hubby and told him it was his fault I was really tired. He offered to stay home from work so I could sleep. Not helpful but I admit it made me less annoyed.

Older brother is slowly catching up on reading and math. Slowly.

Patrick is doing fantastic at school. Still basically keeping up with his peers accademically (I can't get that to look right, so I guess I don't know how to spell it, or I'm too tired).

I plan to do nothing this afternoon and sleep. I'm giving up going to the library (which I love) and cleaning (ok, not so much).

Oh, I guess the only interesting thing to blog about is Patrick getting annoyed when he doesn't get his way. It's not a tantrum...he just kinda grunts and either takes off for his room or plops his body down and whines. He used to be easier to redirect. Guess he's getting older. And it's not like he's used to getting his own way. We're quite strict and neither of the boys have ever acted very spoiled. So I guess it's just a stage.

Ups and Downs

There aren't a lot of downs in my life. I'm normally a pretty positive person. I'm in a happy marriage with healthy children. Even when parenting Patrick was at its worst I was still happy in a general sense.

In spite of that, or perhaps because of it, when I get down I get really really down. My husband lets me vent and I'm happy that now I can also come here and vent as well.

My latest vent has been about family support. My parents are fantastic but that's pretty much it. I read about others who have siblings who take their kids for the weekend or even for an afternoon(and yes, autistic children as well). I hear about all this support and I get angry. Because nobody in my family or my husband's family (my parents aside as mentioned above) really seem to want to be bothered. The havn't gotten informed about autism. Even in the darkest times they never really helped out. It's almost like they choose not to see how hard it was/is/can be for us. At family events (most of which I host in order to keep family closer) they kind of watch us with amused looks on their faces. Like we're just wierd parents or something instead of dealing with an honestly difficult situation.

The funny thing is, what started all this thinking/venting was a close friend who just offered to come out and watch the kids overnight so hubby and I could go out for my birthday. The first thing I thought of was all the family members who have never been alone with my children even for 5 minutes. She's a close friend so I wasn't exactly surprised but it did start me thinking....blood thicker than friendship? In my case, not so much.

I know, I know, they don't really know what our lives are like. They are busy with their families and lives and such. If I want help I should ask (how exactly do you presume to ask someone to watch an autistic child anyway??). Why be annoyed when it's too late anyway? (when I say that, I mean they can't go back in time and be there for me in my darkest hours since things are so much better now that the boys are older).

So, the answer? Work on my resentment and forget it. Underneath this vent I really am still my happy self.

Ok, my rambling is spiraling now. The funny thing is, this is all in my head. It's like I'm having conversations with myself and yelling at people who aren't there and can't hear me and I wouldn't really want them to anyway.

Thanks for listening.

Meme

I was tagged by Maddy over at http://whittereronautism.com.


1. What were you afraid of as a child? The Dark, started when I was about 9 yrs old. Still am afraid of the dark actually.
2. When have you been most courageous? When Patrick had a seizure for the first time we were about 50 yards away and hubby took him to emergency and I thought he was dead. It felt pretty couragous to drive a car with a standard transmission all the way to the hospital when I thought my child was dead. Other than that I'm pretty yellow.
3. What sound most disturbs you? The sound Patrick makes when his airway closes at the start of a seizure.
4. What is the greatest amount of physical pain you’ve been in? Ummm, I'm not sure. Possibly the month AFTER Patrick was born. He was all of 10lbs12oz and I had some residual pain and swelling for a long time. I've been lucky in my life in regards to pain.
5. What’s your biggest fear for your children? (or children in general if you don’t have your own)That they might not reach adulthood. That when they reach adulthood they might not have long enough lives. That any life that they do have might not be as happy as it might be. I'm going to leave Maddy's answer here....because that about sums it up for me too.
6. What is the hardest physical challenge you’ve achieved? Again, I've been lucky. I can't really think of anything.
7. Which do you prefer: Mountains or oceans/big water? Definately the Ocean.
8. What is the one thing you do for yourself that helps you keep everything together? Reading.
9. Ever had a close relative or friend with cancer? No.
10. What are the things your friends count on you for? A listening ear without being judgmental, or keeping my judgments to myself.
11. What is the best part of being in a committed relationship? Knowing someone else always has your back.
12. What is the hardest part of being in a committed relationship? I think there can be a lot of hard parts but I feel pretty lucky to have an amazing partner. I bet he could answer this question though.
13. Summer or Winter? Why? Fall/Autumn.
14. Have you ever been in a school-yard fight? Why and what happened? Well it was in the school building. In high school some guy pushed me up against the wall and started harrassing me. So I hit him.
15. Why blog? Started as peer pressure. Now I do it to get thoughts out of my head.
16. Did you learn about sex, and/or sex safety from your parents? No. Hahahahahaha. My parents didn't go anywhere near that subject. I guess I picked up the basics from health class and learned the rest with practice.
17. How do you plan to talk to your kids about sex and/or sex safety? On thing at a time, in an age appropriate manner. I've been waiting for older brother to ask the questions and I try to answer them. I've been into midwifery and women's issues for a long time, so they both know about pregnancy and breastfeeding. As for mechanics, oi, we'll see as we go. I plan to be honest and matter-of-fact about it.
18. What are you most thankful for this year?This year? As in 2007, or this year as in the last 12 months? I'm most thankful for teachers and Educational assistants. It's been a good year with school for both boys.

Ok, who to tag??? I don't have very many readers, so how about if you havn't done it yet and you want to, go for it! Oh, and let me know so I can come read it.

Wordless Wednesday...yay! or oi!

Sickies

Older brother is sick. So he's home from school. Patrick seems fine so I'm debating if I should keep him home? He might come down with it but, then again, he might not.

The boys are rarely sick for which I am very grateful. They've got their father's immune systems.

So I guess I'm going to spend the day with a sick little guy trying to get some chores done and I'll probably spend way too much time online too.

Yes, you are very model dearest.

"Mom, this truck is model?"
"Pardon?"
"This truck is very model?" *louder and more insistent, lots of bobbing*
"What do you mean by model, short-stuff?"
"Not short...Me's tall!"
Oops, shouldn't have said that. Discussion ensues about how you can be tall (which he is, very much so) but still shorter than, say, mom or dad. Oh, and it's "I" not "Me" in this instance.
"OK, back to model...."
"My truck is very model."
Understanding dawns.
"Oh, your truck is a model! It's a model truck? Is that what you mean?"
"Yes, it's very model. You know, very special."
"Yes dear, very special indeed."

I had to share this one word for word. I felt really slow for not figuring out that he was using a noun as an adjective. Silly mummy! Model boy!

Head Banging

This hasn't been an "issue" for a while so I havn't blogged about it. He used to bang his head and body into walls and such. He stopped about a year ago. But I'm starting to wonder something.

Should I be trying to stop him from banging his head if he's only banging it against his mattress in the morning and at night??? I always just dismissed it as self-regulatory or deep sensory something or other and so I havn't tried to stop him.

Anyone see any point in doing so? (stopping him I mean)

Personal Day

I'm taking a day off. Well, ok, half a day. Technically it's only 3.5 hours. But I'm doing it. I'm not going to clean. The boys will be at school. I'm going to make a snack, put in a movie, and relax. All By Myself!

Yipee.

I'm always saying I need to do this. But other stuff gets in the way. But today, I'm coming first. Really, from now until Christmas I won't get this chance again. Even the few times hubby and I might get out....it's still not alone time ya know? And even then, we're not talking romantic evenings. We're talking trying to get the Christmas shopping done with no money and little time type stuff.

So...here's to de-stressing BEFORE my brain explodes.

Support

My support system comprises mostly of my husband. It always has. Pretty soon, his job might require him to be away 3 weeks at a time and home for one...for about a year. This isn't common knowledge yet in the family, so if anyone is reading who I'm not aware of in our immediate family please don't mention it.

I'm not really worried about it that much. The money would be really good and it would put us in a good spot for me to start working when the boys are in school full time and for hubby to semi-retire. And honestly, since he works 60 hours most weeks anyway, it's just the evenings and weekends that we'd miss him. But the trade off would be 7 full 24 hour days where he'd be home with the family. Now that would be cool.

I wonder if I'm wrong not to worry about doing it all alone for so much of the time? I'm from a military family where dad would be posted North for 9 months and mom would take care of everything so maybe it's not as abnormal to me?

Who knows, maybe I'll collapse in a prostrate heap within the first 3 weeks. But I've grown up a lot in the last 10 years. I'd like to think I could handle it as long as I knew the end was in sight.

All I know is, if this happens I think I'll become best friend with my respite worker. I might even hire another.

Halloween Day

So, Halloween was awesome. First year for a tantrum free, incident free, happy happy Halloween.

He didn't always remember to say "trick or treat" because he was busy squeaking like a bat. He almost gave an older fellow a heart attack. So then we convinced him he was a nice bat not a scary bat and he told EVERYBODY that. He always remembered his thank you and didn't enter any homes. Then when we left he would say "Have a Halloween day". It was super cute.

I've only let them eat one piece of candy. They're annoyed but that's just tough. We only go to about 20 houses. Wait till they figure out that other kids hit 100 or so in a night.

So, success. Feels good. But I can't rest on my laurels. Taking a long drive with them this weekend. Gotta prepare.